You cannot make mistakes – The Surrender Adventure Part Deux
Over the weekend my husband and I met with some friends in London and one of them happens to be a Director of an advertising company. He is intelligent, funny, clearly cares about his job and the people he manages. In fact, if he was my manager I think I’d be pretty happy (he is a good egg). We were discussing some of his challenges and what really came across was that he was scared of getting things wrong. He was scared of the impact his decisions have on the people around him. Witnessing that empathy playing out was wonderful. Now we had had a few wines (ok more than a few) and I said to him “but you cannot make mistakes, you can only learn”. He gave me a side stare and laughed it off. So I repeated myself “you cannot make mistakes”. I used to be in sales, it’s ingrained in me to keep pushing the sell! The conversation went back and forth and eventually it turned to a more pressing subject like what type of dog they are thinking of getting.
I’m sure my friend won’t mind me using him as an example, but this is a fairly typical conversation I have. This notion of what is and what isn’t successful, the fear of the pain that failure my make us feel, the anticipation of the hurt we could cause others due to expectations we think others have, the list is endless. Don’t get me wrong, I have been there. I have gone through all of this thinking myself. These beliefs that twisted and turning in my tummy in the first few weeks of becoming self-employed and the fear that if I didn’t make it work what would happen. I was the main bread winner, how would I provide for my family? What would my friends and family think if I ‘failed’ and had to go back to a sales job? How would I feel if I had to give up my dream because it didn’t pay the bills? I cried every day for three weeks with these thoughts running through my head, so I am not immune to this kind of thinking.
It’s my ego state, that voice in my head running through a story. It doesn’t have a crystal ball, it can’t predict the future. Even if things blow up in your face there will be a gift in every experience. It might not feel good. There may be some emotions you don’t particularly want to feel; sadness, embarrassment, anxiety, anger. You are an emotional being, you are designed to feel these emotions. Great news is, you’ve probably felt whatever emotion it is before, and you survived it, so you know you will again.
What is even more important is the freedom and relief that comes with knowing you can’t make a mistake. Talking from my own experience it’s like a feeling of excitement in my chest. A feeling like anything is possible. A feeling that no matter what I’m doing it’s the right thing for me and my experience of life. This is HUGE! Coming from someone who thrived off competition but who had a huge fear of failure complex this feels like I have been wrapped in some kind of protective blanket taking my enjoyment of this very human experience to the next level. This insight is one of the biggest shifts in my own Surrender Adventure. I can’t wait to share more with soon.
If you are ready to embark on your own Surrender Adventure drop me a message on firstname.lastname@example.org